Struggle
by quonoeye
Summary: Mike has trouble controlling his emotions when she is in danger. MK


**Well here is the first SP thing I have ever written. This is mostly the result of watching **_Giving up the Dead _**way too many times on the holidays and also my brain going overtime at 11 o'clock last night. So due to all these things this may not be the best thing written, but I have tried. Don't say you weren't warned.**

He had never felt that level of emotion before.

The tightness in his chest, his growing struggle to keep his breathing under control; all of this required more energy than he was willing to spare. And despite the struggle he was facing internally and emotionally, he was still required to put on a brave face and steer them in the right direction, because regardless of anything else he was still the CO and he had responsibilities to uphold.

His struggle increased more and more as his constant efforts at contact failed miserably. His gut and instinct was telling him that there was indeed something terribly wrong; but his head was overwhelmingly fighting to convince him that it was nothing more than mere technical difficulties.

He couldn't deny the cold hard facts though. He knew rationally and logically that they were in serious trouble, because now, as if in an instant, all of RO's confusion was adding up. Slowing all the pieces were falling into place and he was able to look at the big picture. He now couldn't escape the harsh reality that two of his people were in trouble and he couldn't rid of that nagging voice telling him that he could have done something sooner. His guilt was telling him that he had failed them both, more importantly failed _her. _He was so worried now that he didn't care how unprofessional this situation was becoming for him.

But, in all honesty his biggest fear was that he had now lost her and he would never be able to say the words he should have said years ago.

"I'm sorry."

In an effort to push back his thoughts he tried to continue as usual, keeping his eyes peeled, while praying that something would show up. Every so often, he tried what he now knew was pointless, continued to repeat the words left unanswered. Words that seemed slightly haunting to him now.

"X-Ray. 8-2. This is Charlie. 8-2. Do you copy?"

* * *

All too familiar he was with that feeling of relief. Unfortunately, all too often he had to go through a great deal of stress before reaching it, but always when he achieved that feeling of inner peace it was always the best feeling in the world. They were safe, not completely unharmed, but they were now out of any immediate danger. It felt like an eternity for them to get into range, he paced back and forth constantly trying to remain calm. But that all collapsed when he saw the upper deck empty of his crew members, that was when his heart stopped.

It took a few minutes until they all realised the gravity of the situation and he knew they needed to take action fast. Although he would never admit it freely, he was terrified that they were too late. All the signs were telling him that his XO and RO were long gone.

It wasn't until he saw Robert jump off the ground and begin jumping around that he felt some semblance of hope. He couldn't make out what the dazed sailor was saying, but just by his behaviour he could tell in was of great urgency.

It was split seconds later that he saw her. She looked terrible and his heart dropped dramatically at the sight of her. Too caught up in his moment he almost missed her heroics. Despite her ragged state she managed to conjure enough energy and will to fight and save their lives.

He was down. She was too, most likely from pure exhaustion.

His eyes didn't leave the boat. He supervised the entire actions carried out by his crew and didn't once let his eyes falter. His breathing eventually returned to its normal rhythms and his heart regulated, but only when _his_ X was back, where he could keep his eyes on her.

* * *

She was unique. Her face, her voice, her personality; all of the things that made her _Kate, _the one woman he couldn't wipe from his mind. As he entered her cabin his heart hitched, she overwhelmed him and he struggled with the fact that he had nearly lost her.

He sat down next to her, listening to her drug-induced incoherent mumbling and random spoken thoughts. He spoke to her, even though he was well aware that she couldn't hear him, but talking to her calmed him some-what. Gently, as if she was made if glass, he pushed her hair back from her face and for a few moments was content with taking all of her in.

When he finally knew he wasn't going to achieve much more he began to leave. However as he left he heard her say the one thing that he understood and tugged at his heart strings.

"You're a beautiful man Mike Flynn. Just beautiful."

Quietly he left the room and as he left he felt a smirk come to his face. He felt happy knowing that he was still in her subconscious thoughts and that gave him much need hope for the future. As he closed to door to her cabin he heard four words escape her mouth that almost stopped his heart for the second time that day.

"Why did you leave?"

Hearing her voice those words, he felt a gaping hole form, knowing he had caused the same to her. It made him even more determined to open up and repair the mistakes he had made not so many years ago. And vocalise what he had wanted to say since he had left.

"I love you."


End file.
